OPINION: Embracing growth and change as spring gives way to summer - Caroline Green, Wetherby U3A

To illustrate the point, this photograph of bluebells and stitchwort growing side by side in a local wood, like some magical carpet woven beneath our feet. Complementary growth is not exclusive to plants. This month has been a time of growth and change in our family too. Speaking to friends who are also in the U3A, what is happening with us, has or is currently happening for others too. As U3A members we are all semi-retired, which is the nature of the membership of the organisation, and many of us are engaged in looking after our grandchildren. This involvement and commitment, as you might imagine, is based around after-school care and holiday times for family members who live locally. The next level of childcare involvement is when family members living further afield come to visit for longer periods of time. It is not just our children who return to the family home, but included in the package are their partners, their children, their pets, and sometimes the complete contents of their family home!

Over the last few months, I have been canvassing friends and neighbours who I know have had family living with them for a prolonged length of time. The words of advice they all gave me were those of ‘accommodation’ on both sides, time off, sharing everything from food and fuel bills, meal preparation, learning to live together, not interfering but being supportive of each other and regular meetings to discuss any issues which may arise. At the end of last month, after three months of clearing out 45 years of accumulated possessions from our house to create much needed space, our daughter and her family moved in with us, complete with two electric cars and two indoor guinea pigs. The preparation for their arrival also meant creating an additional car parking area in our front garden and installing power points for charging both cars.

The upside for us is that we can enjoy seeing the family at close quarters, have the company of our talented daughter and the skills of her engineer husband on hand and the very fact that they want to move to where we live is so endearing and they too can enjoy the company of the rest of the family. Mealtimes are always interesting, enlightening, funny and frustrating in equal measure. We can also enjoy sharing in their plans for the next stage of their lives.

I am learning that being in loco parentis is different to being on holiday together, which is different from living together. No grandchild needs two mothers, so I am learning not to get involved in tussles or disagreements between children and their parents; to button it in fact! We are sharing the jobs, meals, and food preparation without too much difficulty and benefitting from the muscle and quick thinking of the younger generations. They are kind enough to support us as the older generation and appreciate that we have our own hobbies and pastimes. My son-in-law has one ambition now they are here, to create a family band... this is going to be fun once we have unpacked all the relevant instruments, oh yes and learned to play them well of course! The children have joined Scouts and Brownies alongside their cousins’ activities. Its’ fairly ‘full on’ but great fun. We just hope we can stay the course, like our friends have managed to do, and remain on good terms, as we love them all. We may have the makings of a new U3A group ‘How to embrace growth and change in our later years’.

If you are doing something like me, why not come and join wetherby@districtu3a and see what we have on offer. www.wetherbyu3a.org.uk.