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I feel that I need to begin this column with a warning. I don’t want to horrify those of you with a weak stomach or nervous disposition, or actually anyone who has more manners and breeding than me. So if you fit that bill, please turn the page and find something more genteel to read.

For the rest of you, this week I achieved another parenting first; I accidentally deposited a number two on the bathroom floor. I did try and warn you!)

I realise I need to set the scene a bit here; although it can be said that having children wreaks havoc with the body, I’m pleased to say it wasn’t mine. The offending article belonged to my youngest daughter.

The evening had begun pleasantly enough, it was bath time. The tub was filling, and my two daughters were running around upstairs while I made sure the towels were ready and kept an eye on the water level.

The girls both love bath time so were eager to get in. My eldest stripped off but my youngest needed help. I began undressing her, got down to the nappy and left it at that while she continued to play. (I’m not stupid after all. Anyone with kids in nappies will testify that if you decide to let them have a run around ‘au natural’ they will, of course, find a carpet to pee on)

Everything was going well so far. The calm before the storm, if you like.

It only takes a minute for it to all fall apart. My eldest grabs a towel and moves towards the bath. No major problem here, but it is that moment of distraction while I remind her not to get it wet that it all goes wrong.

At the same moment my youngest grabs the training seat for the loo and puts it in place. Brilliant I think, she’s showing signs of wanting to be potty trained. Wanting to encourage her I instinctively (and whilst still watching my other daughter) remove her nappy and lift her onto the loo.

I pick up the discarded nappy without even looking at it; I’ve done this a million times. I begin to roll it upon itself and was just about to secure the straps to hold it in place when I get a shiver down my spine. I can clearly see that this was not just a wet nappy.

Reality dawns and by now my toddler has climbed off the loo. I have a split second to survey the damage and evaluate the best course of action. Unfortunately the contents of the nappy are now on my bathroom floor. Thank goodness I hadn’t moved; this could easily have been a million times worse. Not only is the floor “decorated,” so is the toilet seat, my daughters legs and, in any second, the rest of her little body is going to achieve the same fate.

Again instincts kick in and I grab my daughter’s hands to make sure that they don’t join the party. I find that I’m stuck. Baby wipes are in the other room, loo roll isn’t going to cut the mustard and there is no way I can either a) let go of her or b) carry her to the changing table.

Fortunately my eldest daughter hadn’t got into the bath yet so was quickly dispatched to get wipes and a nappy bag. Operation clean-up was a one- handed affair as I held my wriggly toddler with a vice-like grip, any thoughts of potty training shoved to the very back of my brain.

What’s on?

Saturday, February 9

2.30pm and 6.30pm Babes in the Wood at Frazer Theatre. The Knaresborough players present a traditional family pantomime. Tickets are available from The Old Chemist Shop, Knaresborough, online: www.frazertheatre.co.uk and by telephone 01423 867901.

Monday, February 11

10-11:30 am at Willow Tree Primary School, Harrogate School of Swimming run pre-school lessons. The sessions are an ideal opportunity for parents to introduce young children to basic water skills and orientation in a safe and fun environment. Parents play an active role in the pool and taking a baby swimming from an early age provides an excellent opportunity for relaxation and parent child bonding. The classes include songs, structured activities and lots of fun! Telephone Louise on 07973 182 224 for more info or see www.harrogateschoolofswimming.co.uk

1.30-3pm grandparents and under fives session (Rossett Children’s Centre) An opportunity to meet with other grandparents caring for under fives. Telephone 01609 534318 for more information. (every week)

Tuesday February 12

1.30-2.30pm Portage Group (Saltergate School Childrens Centre) provides a safe, supportive and stimulating environment for children with additional needs and their carers. Booking essential Telephone 01609 798752 (every week)

Wednesday, February 13

1-3pm Physiotherapy Drop in at Harrogate West Childrens Centre, Saltergate School Site. Telephone the Childrens centre on 01609 798752 for further information.

Thursday, February 14

10.30 -11.30am Just Play Soft Play Session at the balcony, Harrogate Cricket Club £3 per child. No booking needed, just turn up (every week)